You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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