my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
