Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
