that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
