I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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