im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
