i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
