K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
