It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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