Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
