Need sex. Gaining weight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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