I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
the liver wants what the liver wants
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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