part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
