I don't usually arrange sex via text message
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
