I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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