So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
