Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
