The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
