Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
