Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
