a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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