She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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