At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you never un-have a 4some
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
