I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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