It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
