my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
