i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
