He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
