my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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