Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
