I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
