your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
