Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
