i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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