We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
