everyone is single if you try hard enough
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
