If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
