OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
