i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
