he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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