Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
