Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
