i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Duck Duck Cougar?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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