Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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