The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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