so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
