stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
