Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
