its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Vodka?
Forever.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
