I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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